tip o' the day

I really do scream for ice cream

Monday, September 13, 2010

back on track?

i just don't know how to break this cycle. i am feeling quite beaten right now. every night i say tomorrow i will get back on track. then i eat a bunch of crap because it will be my last night to eat it. then every tomorrow i get up and mess right back up again. i am not stupid. i know how to eat well. i know what is good and bad for you nutritionally speaking. i know what good choices are and what they can do for my well being. i just don't make them. i tell myself to just do it, and then i don't. i once was told to quit whining about it and just do it. it should be that simple. it isn't. i don't know why. i don't know how to make myself follow my own good intentions. it's like i am in a constant struggle with my own self and it is endless and ridiculous. how do you just push away from the table? how do you just not hit the fridge after the rest of the family is in bed? oh that is right, i am just supposed to do it....but for some reason i won't, or can't.
my heart feels heavy and broken. i just don't know what to do.
i went with a family member to a bariatric surgery seminar tonight just as a ride and moral support. technically i am not troubled enough medically for surgery to be an option for me so i was just listening and then they passed out these little bmi charts...and i will be damned if i am not morbidly obese! sweet. that is all i needed. so after i left there i stopped at mcd's and got a mcdouble and fries and a cola. then i came home and ate more. all while telling myself...well what was i telling myself...it really doesn't matter because obviously i am not listening. i just don't know how. i have a headache. it is my smallest baby's first day of preschool tomorrow and i am feeling emotional anyway, on top of husband pulling a psycho moment of crazy anger at me for no reason at the dinner table. i don't think there is anyway to stop my emotional eating. the frat boy in my head just said muzzle. i punched his face, but sadly i felt a little in agreement.
crap, tears.
confused girl out, peace


  1. We all go through times like you are going through. Just hang in there and try not to gain your weight back. You've got to figure out why you emotionally eat. I don't know if you will be able to fix the problem if you haven't identified it.
    I really hate to say this, but you might have an addiction to McDonalds. Really truly. It's your "go to" spot when you want to sabotage yourself. It was my spot after I had Ella. I'd drive through every day (almost) and wolf down TWO doubt cheeseburgers between lunch and dinner.
    Also, you don't have to wait until tomorrow to start anything. How about starting today at dinner? Or today at lunch. If you wait until tomorrow, tomorrow might never come. As Nike would say "Just do it"

  2. :( I wish I could offer some words of wisdom!! I've lost about 18 pounds so far and I'm not really sure what it took to finally get my ass in gear to get started and stick to it. I try not to keep a bunch of crap in the house for me to binge on and I force myself to not buy things like chips, etc... Gosh, I wish I could help because I totally feel your pain!! I know 2 people who had lap band done and they were by no means ginormous (luke's word). They are also by no means skinny now! So, I guess that's not necessarily the answer either. Let's just ship all those damn skinny bitches who make the rest of us feel like crap to some far away planet in another universe!