so i wrote this long ass post about this shitty stuff that happened today and then i went back and read it and even though it was all true and it felt good to write it, i am over it all ready. sometimes you see what people are really made of, yourself included. you learn to love people more and not worry about others so much. if you know me, that is a big deal for me to even say.
so anyway, i wanted ice cream...on top of a cheeseburger and fries to dip in it and then to wash it down with a chocolate shake. wait wait wait, i want a hamburger with peanut butter on it and fries on the side that i can dip in a chocolate shake. nope that isn't it either. i still want the hamburger with peanut butter on it but i just want an icy cold coca cola to go with it. well some of the calories whittled away, but the emotional bad eating need did not. my whole point is that i didn't eat anything. i recognized why i wanted the bad stuff or not so much bad, just that i wanted anything at all, and then i checked myself. did i really want that stuff because i wanted it, or because i needed to fill some kind of emotional gap. after a few tug of wars with my stomach and my heart, i realized it was emotional and had nothing to do with any of those foods. right now while i am writing i am hungry, real hunger, but that is because it is almost dinner time. that actually makes me feel good.